Massacre à l'Alcool was a tabletop roleplaying game of Lyran origin. It was known for a better treatment of physics and biology than most fantasy tabletop RPGs then available on the market. Ilyana was a known Hydran player. (Star Trek: United Federation of Munchkin Amazons)


The eponymous United Federation of Munchkin Amazons was at war against the Pandemonium Empire, seeking to avenge the loss of their first capital, Perseria, due to the betrayal of a rogue munchkin, which has been killed since. Upon recapturing their former capital, the UFMA had to defend their holdings on two fronts: overland from Akriloth Passage and at sea, in the vicinity of Perseria.

Game mechanicsEdit

Schools of magicEdit

Elemental magic had four elements: fire, water, alcohol and electricity. Fire beats alcohol, alcohol beats electricity, electricity beats water and water beats fire.

Elemental magic beats light, light beats darkness and darkness beats elemental.


Alcohol magic was seemingly ineffectual against stone walls and mortar, yet devastatingly effective against portcullises (and drawbridge chains). Dunames Lopez used it to great effect against Perseria's south gate.

Alcohol magic could cause internal hemorrhages into dragons, but Tiamat was immune to internal hemmorhages; one barrel of 40% alcohol was a colossal dragon's serving and an alcohol spell hit was the equivalent of drinking 20 such barrels. Of course, as dragons drank larger and larger doses of alcohol, they slowly changed their attack element to alcohol.

Falling damageEdit

Falling damage is negated for air superiority wizards if they land on objects whose hardness is equal or lower than 4 and whose thickness (in centimeters) is equal or greater than the hardness times the square of the vertical component of the velocity upon impact (in meters per second). Velocity has to be greater than seven meters per second (14 for air superiority wizards and other aircraft-bound classes, with halved hardness) to take falling damage upon crash.


Most classes came in two variants: one called unpromoted, another one called promoted. Promotion occurs once one gains sufficient levels. Here are the classes explicitly mentioned in the game:

  • Air superiority mage/wizard (Brianna Reiss)
  • Soldier/Halberdier (Annika Hansen)
  • Cavalier/Paladin (further subdivided by their primary weapons)
  • Pirate/Berserker (Mrazek)
  • Myrmidon/Swordmaster (Ariane Binks)
  • Wyvern mage/sage (Dunames Lopez)
  • Priest/bishop
  • Knight/General (further subdivided by their primary weapons; Relm)


Under the umbrella term aircraft was included a number of devices: broomsticks, wyverns, dragons, pegasi, to name the most common. Aircraft couldn't take off or land on a carrier if the carrier was cloaked. Said cloaking affected anti-aircraft accuracy.


Spells could repair items to full strength but often at the cost of higher insurance premiums (up to 3d12%) or higher co-pays (also up to 3d12%).

Pandemonium EmpireEdit

Military forcesEdit

At the onset of the war, the Pandemonium ground forces raised 666 regiments, which had about half a million men between them. It also operated a navy; Tiamat was the commander-in-chief of the navy.


Pandemonium was mostly a cave network, whose entrance was at the Akriloth Passage; the main fortress between the overworld, Gehenna, was located at the confluence of the Acheron and the Styx rivers. Pandemonium itself was a 7-square-km city that was surrounded by lava moats.

Pandemonium was actually colder than heaven; Pandemonium was about 440 degrees Celsius whereas heaven was 70 degrees Celsius hotter.

Infernal SenateEdit

The supreme ruling body of the Pamdemonium Empire, headquartered in Pandemonium itself, comprises the following:

  • Baal
  • Behemoth
  • Belzebuth
  • Lucifer
  • Mephistopheles
  • Satan
  • Tiamat

Production notesEdit

This tabletop RPG borrowed some elements from the Tellius-era Fire Emblem games, Final Fantasy 2 and 12, as well as Dungeons and Dragons and World of Warships. The level of munchkinery was comparable to that of the characters from the International Union of Disgusting Characters.

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