Star Trek Expanded Universe

Doctor Rihanna

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Doctor Rihanna is the seventh episode of the third RIS Bouteina season.


With Pazzo on an away mission, and Zetra asleep, Rihanna is in charge of all medical emergencies on the RIS Bouteina. Because she is still learning medicine, funny consequences are to be expected.


Act OneEdit

Otto Mann pilots the Bouteina for the first time, under Zama's supervision. Taev Radaik reports, from an away team perspective, to the bridge that Zetra has fallen asleep and that there is no doctor left onboard. Ulduar asks the computer to search for crewmen that have some medical training and the computer found that Rihanna was best suited for the task. She tells Brianna of her contingency plan to become a medic as she gets installed into her father's office in sickbay. Her first patient is a redshirt that was always going to the washrooms after he ate a tribble meal.

Act TwoEdit

Rihanna diagnoses the patient with llhrei'sian and prescribes him that he drinks Duff beer after each and every meal until he is effectively cured. He finds the cure funny but he dismiss the cure as just another "grandma's remedy". Even more so when Rihanna throws the cup of beer at him. Meanwhile, her father and the first/second officers on the away team realizes that Zetra is still asleep, as they dug out bodies from the city's wreckage. Rovas sends another patient to Rihanna in the meantime, while that patient is sneezing everywhere. After she jokingly prescribes poutine, the patient questions her ability to practice medicine.

Act ThreeEdit

Rihanna's final prescription fell on the patient: a cocktail of medicine comprising cough syrup, Cosinutab and Reactine and advising that she mix all the medicine in the poutine's gravy. The second patient reached for the first patient Rihanna supposedly cured and asks him his opinion about "the new medic", musing that Rihanna is a green, incompetent medic but Terenar overheard them, on their way to the Replimat. Also, Annika Hansen heard their medical stories as well and understood that medicine would be easier to swallow for the patients if it was served properly. In the end, Zama gets promoted to enarrain.

Act FourEdit

Accersitus is beamed down to the surface. Upon arriving to the planet, the ground is shaking below him and he tells Pazzo and Vaebn that replica quakes happen after most major earthquakes. Pazzo's worry for his daughter prompts him to contact the bridge to be briefed on Rihanna's situation as Zetra awakens in a nearby park. Once they realized that there was no one else to save in the rubble, they ask Ulduar to beam them up. Pazzo returns to sickbay but, before doing so, scolds his daughter, telling that it could earn her the Ignobel Prize. Rihanna's excuse is that she is unable to tell an allergy from a cold yet and Brianna then comes out.

Act FiveEdit

Brianna Reiss then proceeds to tell Rihanna everything she knows about Lyran med school, telling her that they had Romulan physiology to learn. Zama tells her about her future, that it would take 35 years to get to enarrain and less with the Lyrans. Zama then invited Brianna to feast with the other flight controllers, where Rihanna eats a meal made up of the prescriptions she filed to her first two patients. Otto then learns that his riov is a poor guitarist. Everyone laughs at Rihanna when she turns red from her medicine, while Relm carries on her bloodwine drinking.

External linkEdit

RIS Bouteina episodes
Season 1
"The Departure" • "Distress Call" • "Take Me Out to the Zoo" • "Marianela" • "What about some D'oh!" • "Fundraiser" • "Declaration of Warcraft" • "No Child Left Untested" • "Manhunt" • "Eidolon" • "Four Redshirts and a Shirt" • "Merry Christmas" • "We're All In This Together" • "Marriage and Honeymoon"
Season 2
"Cloak, baby, Cloak!" • "Fury of the Prison Ships" • "Women's Dark Frontier" • "Easter Eggs" • "Bowser Shakedown" • "Sphere of Influence" • "Broken Bread" • "Extraordinary Summit" • "My Carpet, Tis of Thee" • "The Whole Kitten Kaboodle" • "Battle at the Grave of Thoughts" • "Redshirt Distribution" • "Bottle to Throttle" • "Quantic Fissure" • "Quantic Return" • "Blackrock and Roll" • "Kingdom Hospital" • "Monster-in-a-Box" • "A Tale of Two Holodecks" • "Grinch and Scrooge" • "Miracle in Whoville" • "Battle of Eight Beat" • "Planet of the Cheaters" • "How the Charter Was Won"
Season 3
"Yesterday's Lyrans" • "The Measure of a Romulan" • "Cost of Captivity" • "Hussade Contract" • "Degree of Liberty" • "Days of Wine and D'ohses" • "Doctor Rihanna" • "Grade Inflation, Part One" • "Grade Inflation, Part Two" • "Grade Inflation, Part Three" • "Holographic Family" • "There's no Coffee in the Nebula" • "Tobacco Quest" • "Super Size Me" • "Super Size Me Again" • "Limit at Plus Infinity" • "The Day Where Students Have Stopped Calculating" • "If At First You Don't Succeed" • "Going, going, gone" • "Drug Wars" • "Monopolis" • "TV Dinner" • "Love Plan" • "Spoiled Rotten"
Season 4
"Humans, Romulans and Space-Beasts" • "Vosteage" • "Ice Cream Parlor" • "Gogmagog" • "Relief and Refuge" • "Real Estate Liberty" • "High Priestess of Evacuation" • "Limit at Minus Infinity" • "Low-Cost Vacation" • "Back to School" • "Tribble Resupply" • "Midwife" • "Night of the Were-Hawks" • "Forlorn Hope" • "Party Quest" • "Combinatorics Nightmare" • "Redshirt Computer" • "Party School" • "Just Cause" • "Kathelet"
Season 5
"Resolution on Krant" • "Hilbert Hotel" • "New York Convention" • "Propane Dream" • "Hospital Blues" • "Home Sense" • "Homeward" • "Dr Jekyll and Dr Hyde" • "Varlamov Steak" • "Credit Card Scholarship" • "Black Sox" • "Jockship" • "Two-Speed Intellect" • "Toy Dream" • "A Hockey Game Broke Out" • "Ultimate Wager" • "Cigarette Redshirt" • "Rator III Awaits" • "Hystelic Kingdom"
Sequel: Star Trek: The Stoneship Files

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